We talk a lot about working on ourselves. It’s everywhere – in books, podcasts, social media, and conversations with friends. It became so popular that it can feel like if you aren’t constantly improving, you’re somehow doing something wrong or falling behind. But when you actually sit with the phrase, it becomes clear that most of us don’t really know what it means. Or at least, not in the way we think we do.
For a long time, my idea of working on myself meant fixing everything “broken” within me, as it was some kind of a project with a deadline and steps, and visible progress. And if I wasn’t seeing that progress? Well, that meant I wasn’t trying hard enough.
Five years ago, I was diagnosed with mixed anxiety and depression disorder. For a long time, I treated dealing with my mental health and learning about it as a definition of self-work. In the beginning, learning about your mind and trying different methods is important. But instead of giving myself compassion for all that effort, I judged myself for not moving faster.
Now, with a little more perspective and a lot more compassion, I’ve realized working on yourself is not a project you can finish. It’s not about becoming some imaginary perfect person – it’s about understanding yourself. Not to impress anyone. Not to become a perfectly curated version of yourself. But to live with more honesty and self-awareness. To live authentically.
Sometimes, that looks like sitting with feelings you’ve avoided for years.
Sometimes, it looks like setting boundaries you’re afraid people won’t like.
Sometimes, it looks like admitting you’re wrong. Or apologizing. Or learning how to communicate differently. Or asking for help when you’d rather stay silent.
And sometimes, it’s just getting through a difficult day without falling back into old habits or patterns.
Working on yourself isn’t about changing everything overnight. It’s about noticing where you’re still hurting, still hiding, or still reacting from old wounds and then choosing, one moment at a time, to do something differently.
For me, that looked like recognizing the patterns of anxiety and depression. Recognizing which situations made me fall into anxiety, and when those empty, tiring, numbing feelings of depression are arising, allowed me to change something, to do something different at the moment. And one small change at the time consistently, for me, made all the difference.
The tricky part of mental health is that sometimes it can’t be changed instantly. It takes time, usually more time than we want to admit. We’re conditioned to think that inner work must come with big transformations – new routines, new habits, new mindset, new everything. But sometimes, the biggest shifts happen in the small decisions, small changes. It’s finally understanding why something triggers you. It’s recognizing the moment you’re spiraling and choosing the stop. Noticing you spoke to yourself with softness instead of criticism.
From the outside, these don’t look like huge progress. But internally? They change everything.
Maybe working on yourself simply means honoring who you’re becoming – even in the quiet, unglamorous, imperfect moments.
And if that’s true, then you’re probably already doing better than you think.
Take care,
Kristina
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