As someone who has moved twice so far, I know how challenging starting over in a new city can be. Even though I knew people before I moved, it still wasn’t my city, and they weren’t my people yet. Changing your surroundings, such as a whole new city, usually happens for a reason. And sometimes we don’t even see that reason clearly at first. But regardless of the reasons why you’re moving, adapting to a new place usually ends up becoming someone new.
The last time I decided to move, I was in a bad place. Nothing in my life was going the way I wanted it to go. I felt empty and anxious, wondering how everyone managed to get their lives the way they wanted, while I was there struggling with basic things. Now I know that comparing yourself to others is not only pointless since we’re all different people with different wants and needs, but it’s also making it worse.
I remember sitting on my old apartment’s balcony with an amazing sea view, watching a spectacular sunset, and thinking that life had to be better. But who in their right mind would change the sea view for a city? Well, I guess those who decide it’s time for a change.
We often associate starting over with something big, like moving to a different city or drastically changing something, but the reality is – it starts small.
What I’ve learned so far
It’s okay to feel lonely, it’s just a phase. Instead of dwelling on it, take that time and do an inner check-in. Ask yourself, how do you feel? How do you want to feel? What do you want? What do you need? In life, in business, in love? Do you like yourself? What do you like about yourself? Do you want to change something? What do you want to change? Take a piece of paper and write the blueprint of the person you’re becoming.
It’s just you and the paper. Allow yourself to be the most honest and vulnerable, even if it’s uncomfortable. Especially then, because most of the time, we already know what’s not working, we’re just avoiding facing it.
You’ll change, and you’ll start to feel disconnected from the people you were close to. You might find yourself still engaged in conversations that no longer align with you, as your new interests are starting to pull you in a different direction. That doesn’t mean either one of you is moving forward or backwards. It means you’re going in different directions, and that’s okay. That’s life.
When the newness fades
A few weeks in, when everything started to feel normal again, and the city was slowly starting to feel familiar and a little bit mine, I realized nothing had really changed. They really don’t lie when they say you bring yourself wherever you go. The new city, new me, doesn’t last long, probably for a few weeks. Possibly even less. And then, when the newness washes off, you’ll meet yourself and realize – yes, the city brings out a different energy, but it’s still you, and the real change comes from inside.
So when you start asking yourself how do I want to feel, who do I want to be, how can I change that, you’ll realize that you don’t really need a new city, or a huge change to start over. By looking inward, you’ve already begun.
Take care,
Kristina
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